Complete idiots guide to systematically ruin your boss’s computer completely in 18 steps !!!
Step 1: Remove all external wires from the back of thecabinet and take a star screw driver and remove screws of
the side cover of the cabinet and with all your strength and
stamina throw away the side cabinet cover as far as
possible.
Step 2: Remove SMPS screws from the back side of the cabinet
Step 3: Remove molex (not molest)connector from the back of CD
drive,Hard disk and drive.
(Molex connector is the power connector on the back side of CD drive,
Hard Disk drive etc, molex connector has got four wires, the colors
will be usually yellow, black, black and red. Observe that the red
wire of the moles connector sits near the red wire of the data cable.
So it's the first thing to note, red wires of power connectors and
data cable will kiss each other when ever possible, for kissing to be
possible both should face "inside" )
Srep 4: Remove Berz connector from the back side of floppy drive.
(Berz connector is the younger brother of Molex connector. It has same
four wires , but it's smaller than molex connector)
Step 5: Remove P1 connector from the mother board.
( P1 connector gives power to the mother board. It has got 20 pins,
Its white in color in my system)
Step 6: Take a deep breath… concentrate…and with all your strength
throw away the SMPS as far as you can.
Step 7: Remove data cable from the back side of floppy drive ,Hard
disk drive and CD drive. (Remember : Red pin is first pin, Red pin
kisses red pin, Red pins are always inside. Observe that the data
cable has a twist in the side of floppy drive. Some people say even
this is a standard.)
Step 8: Remove Data cables from Primary IDE slot (HDD slot, it's the
middle one in my motherboard ) Secondary IDE slot( CD-Drive slot) and
Floppy drive slot. Throw them to the same place where you have thrown
the side cover of the cabinet.
Step 9: Remove the panel on the other side of the cabinet.
Step 10: Remove all the screws of FDD , HDD and CD drive from the
cabinet and throw them to north, south and east directions
respectively.
Step 11: Relax. Meditate for a while sitting in Vajraasan and then
with all your strength remove the RAM from the DIMM slots. No need to
throw them away. You can use them to chase away the flies when you
have nothing else to do. Please make sure that you touch every leg of
every individual chip in the memory module so that each one gets
ruined due to static electricity from your body.
Step 12: Now scan the motherboard to find the place where you can
find little wires coming from the front side of the cabinet. In my
system it is connected to the place near the place where the name of
the motherboard was written. They might be labeled as
(i) Power LED
(ii) HDD LED
(iii) Reset Switch
(iv) Power Switch
Think about all those nasty thing your boss has done to you and remove
all these tiny wires from the motherboard.
Step 13: Now is the perfect time to attack the motherboard. Remove the
washer and screws with attach the motherboard to the cabinet. Remove
the motherboard really hard so that you touch all sort of chips
present in the motherboard with your fingers and the static
electricity in your body does the job of destroying those chips. Or if
your are a sadist, and wanted to impart the maximum torture to the
motherboard at a later point of time, first discharge the static in
your body by either touching a metal surface or by wearing an anti
static wrist band, or remove the motherboard into the anti static bag
which came with the motherboard .This way you won't kill the chips in
the motherboard immediately. You can have that pleasure later.
Step 14: The cabinet is completely empty by how. If you want you can
check the strength of your legs by giving it many many hard kicks. Try
to deform it to the maximum extent.
Step 15: Now remove the processor fan power cord from the motherboard.
Step 16: Remove the heat sink clips and remove the heat sink along
with the fan. Don't throw them away now. Just in case your Boss
returns at this point you can use it to throw it to your boss's head
instead and can escape from his office as quickly as possible. While
removing the heat sink from the processor make sure that you try to
remove maximum thermal paste from the top side of the processor.
Step 17: Gently remove the processor lock with utmost care and
respect. Observe an arrow mark indicating pin one of the processor.
Lift the processor gently and lovingly from its seat, and admire the
beauty of its 370 golden legs !! Think about your Boss and pour hot
water on the motherboard and touch with maximum force on each one of
the 370 legs that never again the processor shall return to life. Keep
the processor with its legs-side up ,on the chair of your boss, that
he gets a pleasant surprise when he unknowingly sits on top of it.
Step 18: Get away from your Boss's office as quickly as possible if
you are still not caught and dismissed.
the side cover of the cabinet and with all your strength and
stamina throw away the side cabinet cover as far as
possible.
Step 2: Remove SMPS screws from the back side of the cabinet
Step 3: Remove molex (not molest)connector from the back of CD
drive,Hard disk and drive.
(Molex connector is the power connector on the back side of CD drive,
Hard Disk drive etc, molex connector has got four wires, the colors
will be usually yellow, black, black and red. Observe that the red
wire of the moles connector sits near the red wire of the data cable.
So it's the first thing to note, red wires of power connectors and
data cable will kiss each other when ever possible, for kissing to be
possible both should face "inside" )
Srep 4: Remove Berz connector from the back side of floppy drive.
(Berz connector is the younger brother of Molex connector. It has same
four wires , but it's smaller than molex connector)
Step 5: Remove P1 connector from the mother board.
( P1 connector gives power to the mother board. It has got 20 pins,
Its white in color in my system)
Step 6: Take a deep breath… concentrate…and with all your strength
throw away the SMPS as far as you can.
Step 7: Remove data cable from the back side of floppy drive ,Hard
disk drive and CD drive. (Remember : Red pin is first pin, Red pin
kisses red pin, Red pins are always inside. Observe that the data
cable has a twist in the side of floppy drive. Some people say even
this is a standard.)
Step 8: Remove Data cables from Primary IDE slot (HDD slot, it's the
middle one in my motherboard ) Secondary IDE slot( CD-Drive slot) and
Floppy drive slot. Throw them to the same place where you have thrown
the side cover of the cabinet.
Step 9: Remove the panel on the other side of the cabinet.
Step 10: Remove all the screws of FDD , HDD and CD drive from the
cabinet and throw them to north, south and east directions
respectively.
Step 11: Relax. Meditate for a while sitting in Vajraasan and then
with all your strength remove the RAM from the DIMM slots. No need to
throw them away. You can use them to chase away the flies when you
have nothing else to do. Please make sure that you touch every leg of
every individual chip in the memory module so that each one gets
ruined due to static electricity from your body.
Step 12: Now scan the motherboard to find the place where you can
find little wires coming from the front side of the cabinet. In my
system it is connected to the place near the place where the name of
the motherboard was written. They might be labeled as
(i) Power LED
(ii) HDD LED
(iii) Reset Switch
(iv) Power Switch
Think about all those nasty thing your boss has done to you and remove
all these tiny wires from the motherboard.
Step 13: Now is the perfect time to attack the motherboard. Remove the
washer and screws with attach the motherboard to the cabinet. Remove
the motherboard really hard so that you touch all sort of chips
present in the motherboard with your fingers and the static
electricity in your body does the job of destroying those chips. Or if
your are a sadist, and wanted to impart the maximum torture to the
motherboard at a later point of time, first discharge the static in
your body by either touching a metal surface or by wearing an anti
static wrist band, or remove the motherboard into the anti static bag
which came with the motherboard .This way you won't kill the chips in
the motherboard immediately. You can have that pleasure later.
Step 14: The cabinet is completely empty by how. If you want you can
check the strength of your legs by giving it many many hard kicks. Try
to deform it to the maximum extent.
Step 15: Now remove the processor fan power cord from the motherboard.
Step 16: Remove the heat sink clips and remove the heat sink along
with the fan. Don't throw them away now. Just in case your Boss
returns at this point you can use it to throw it to your boss's head
instead and can escape from his office as quickly as possible. While
removing the heat sink from the processor make sure that you try to
remove maximum thermal paste from the top side of the processor.
Step 17: Gently remove the processor lock with utmost care and
respect. Observe an arrow mark indicating pin one of the processor.
Lift the processor gently and lovingly from its seat, and admire the
beauty of its 370 golden legs !! Think about your Boss and pour hot
water on the motherboard and touch with maximum force on each one of
the 370 legs that never again the processor shall return to life. Keep
the processor with its legs-side up ,on the chair of your boss, that
he gets a pleasant surprise when he unknowingly sits on top of it.
Step 18: Get away from your Boss's office as quickly as possible if
you are still not caught and dismissed.
A brief tour into my PC
Yesterday for the very first time in my life I had the
guts to explore the internal anatomy and physiology of my PC. I don't
know what made me to embark on such an adventure at such an unexpected
moment. The night before I was busy reading a book on memory
management and I was looking forward to finish the 400 page book as
soon as possible. As mentioned in my previous post , i realized that
the to key solve the mystery of the untimely death of my system while
executing a C-program , was understanding problems in memory
management. But early in the morning , the look on the face of my PC
seemed tempting and irresistible and soon I forgot about everything
else and got a star screwdriver from my tool kit and started loosening
the side screws of her cabinet.I wonder whether no one recently had attempted to see the beautiful
treasures inside her cabinet. The side screws of the cabinet was
really hard. I nearly spoiled the tip of a less resilient screw driver
to loosen those bloody screws which were the only thing that stood
between me and the sexy sight I was expecting to see inside her
cabinet.
After struggling for 5-6 minutes the screws gave way . For the first
time in my life with the excitement of a kid , I marveled at the grand
beautiful sight that lay before my naked eyes !!!
It seemed as if , I was looking at the central nervous system of some
prehistoric beast. Wires of different colors from the SMPS was running
to each and every corner of universe that was inside my PC. Then there
was three huge data cables from my hard disk, Floppy disk and CD drive
, which like super highways I have seen in the future cities of
discovery channel transferred millions of bits every nanosecond to and
from the outside world and my mother board.
The mother board was the most breath taking sight that I had ever seen
in my life. There was more elegance in design and grandeur than any
city that I have seen before. Things seemed so futuristic. There where
huge sky-scrapper like heat sinks mounted on top of the processor
which was completely hidden beneath it. There were five pure white PCI
slots, which lay empty .. Three Black DIMM RAM slots. Only on one slot
I could find a RAM chip. In the middle of the mother board lay
another bright brown slot named the AGP slot, which waited for the day
to find salvation by being united with an AGP card and dreamt of
empowering high speed graphics applications.
Then in one modest corner lay the most important 20-pin P1 ATX
connector, which received power from the SMPS and dispatched it to
each and every inch of the motherboard like a disciplined ring master.
P1 connector seemed to believe in equal rights for every incoming
voltage. Irrespective of whether it was a (+/-)12 volt or (+/-) 5 volt
or +3.3 volt or even Ground (0 volt) all slots in the p1 connector
seemed alike. I wonder whether there would be variations in the
outgoing lines which carry these voltages to their respective
destinations. But the most colorful sight of all was the multitude of
wires entering the p1-connector from the motherboard. They where
indeed color coded. The grounds came in black wires, the plus 12 volts
in mellow yellows, minus 12 volts in brooding blues, the plus 5 volts
in royal red,
minus 5 volts in holy whites, 3.3 volts in bright oranges and so on.
There were some wires in green and grey which said they carried PS-ON
and PW-OK.. I never really understood what they said , but they
refused to convey more information about this. May be , one day some
reader of this article may enlighten me about the meaning of these
signals. Till then suspense prevails about the identity of those
curious signals.
The neighbors of the p1 connectors seemed a little snobbish and they
claimed that they where the people who helped in storing all those
millions of data zooming though the gold plated lanes in the
motherboard every nanosecond.
They were the IDE slots. The youngest, the smallest and the outer most
one was the floppy drive slot . The middle one was the hard disk drive
slot and the inner most one was the CD-drive slot. Each of these
brothers claimed that they could support 2 devices on their incoming
single data cable.
I asked how.. and they gave an evil grin but refused to say more. But
the I asked them to say how would they identify the pins in the
incoming data cable ? They told that pin 1 is always marked as red and
that they special arrangement of pins in their slots makes it
impossible for any idiot to insert cables into them in any other way
than the right way. Floppy disk drive slot had a small complaint, he
told me that while the data cables of his elder brothers where smooth
and without any deformities, he told that his cable dad a slight twist
in the end where it connected to the floppy drive. He told that this
small deformity was a constant source of embarrassment for him.
I really didn't somehow like spending more time with those snobbish
brothers and I moved on to explore other wonders in the motherboard
wonderland.
Then , to my utter horror I discovered that somehow I had shrunk in
size to the size of an electrolytic capacitor !!!!
It might have been some evil spell from the IDE brothers that had done
this to me. Anyways, there was no use wasting time brooding up on my
fate, the sights around me was so exciting that I didn't actually mind
my reduction in size. I decided to get used to my new life.
Long time ago in my previous avatar, I had heard that there was some
one called "CMOS battery" who safe guarded the key to any descent
self respecting home PC , the BIOS password. Well , I asked one young
blond sexy bit , who was flying past me at 2.999 x 10 ^ 8 m/s , on a
superphotonic
electromagnetic wave to tell me the way to
Mr. CMOS battery. She told me that she had no time to waste time
explaining the complex route map but would drop me at Mr. CMOS
battery's apartment.
I was the first time I was experiencing a ride at speeds closer to
speed of light. I found myself getting smaller in length but heavier
in weight. More over I found myself getting younger.
I asked the blond bit , how old she was.. She told me that as a
particle that had charge she had existed at every time since the
creation of this universe and since she usually
travels in supersonic speeds she never gets old. Before getting down I
asked for her mobile number, but she told they never used mobile
phones in motherboard world and if I want to meet her again I could
just think about her name, which was not surprisingly D-Zero.
I was at the door of Mr. CMOS BATTERY's apartment
by now and I was excited to learn some tricks from old Mr.CMOS so that
I could hack into any system I want.
Well, CMOS turned out to be a short oval disk like fellow sleeping in
a very comfortable bed with springs.
I guess, he didn't like me disturbing him from his sleep
and shouted some unprintable words at me when I tried to get him out
of his bed. I was warned by a neighbor named Mr. Speaker that if I Mr.
CMOS got out of his bed, he would be so furious and he would clear
all BIOS settings and default settings will be loaded. This was how
the BIOS password was compromised.
I really liked Mr. Speaker, I asked him what was his profession ? He
told me that he was the best singer in the motherboard world , and its
he who entertains and consoles
the system user with such cute little beeps , and sometimes with some
really tragic tunes when some hardware device in the mother board
world dies and if unknowingly user tries to boot up the system. Well,
at that moment I recollected some really pain full moments from my
past avatar when the RAM of my first System died, I just heard 3
short beeps when I tried to start the system. Then one day I had to
hear the tragic beep song again when my hard drive died of heart
attack and liver cirrhosis. Then finally I heard a long beep song in a
stormy ,rainy night, which heralded the premature demise of my
motherboard. My faithful system of 3 years was struck down by 10000V
spike which sneaked into my motherboard through the telephone line
when a lightning struck somewhere.
It was then I buried my old system under a pile of books and clothes
and other stuff in my room and decided to begin a new relationship
with a brand new sexy System with P4 dual core processor at 2.8 Ghz ,
512 MB RAM and 160 GB hard disk. Well, the new System was more
exciting but some how I liked my old system better. May be its just
nostalgia , may be its that at any unpredictable moment my processor
says it doesn't like working when its surface temperature is 68
degree celsius and starts a strike immediately without any notice,
and shuts down the entire system. Then may be , if I sacrifice all my
remaining self esteem and stoop down to the floor level to reboot the
system , the processor may or may not change mood !!!
It was then I asked Mr. Speaker about "The Processor" of his world. He
told me that Mr. Processor was the most decent and lovable person in
the motherboard world. He had himself never had an opportunity to meet
the processor. But he had learnt a lot of things from his bit-friends
about the processor. He told me that it was widely believed in the
motherboard world that it was Mr.Processor who controlled the
workings of everything that in the motherboard world. Most of the
bits believe that they where created by the processor in time
immemorial. They really didn't knew or understand how the processor
actually did it , but they all,not all but most of them, simply
believed that. But there were other bits who never believed in the
existence of a processor, since not a single bit had seen the
processor,they asked for proof for the existence of the processor from
other fellow bits, which unfortunately or fortunately was unavailable.
Actually all what citizens in the motherboard world had seen was a
huge Hit Sink which dissipated such hot heat waves through out the
motherboard skies. It was believed that the processor lived beneath
the Heat Sink.There was a fan on top of this Hit Sink , it was said
that the processor, heat sink, and fan worked as a single being and
without one there was no meaning or existence for the other. Processor
could not exist without heat sink and the fan and there was no meaning
for the fan and heat sink to exist , if there was no processor. But it
was widely believed among the citizens of the motherboard world
believed that the processor was more important than everything else.
Mr. Speaker told me that there used to be occasional wars among
different groups of bits who believed in slightly variant versions
about the processor and their origin about what theory was correct ,
though none had any definite proof for what ever they claimed to be
true. When things gets so chaotic, it is said that the OS , who is
believed to be another more powerful supernatural being without any
physical shape or form which no one can see or feel.. sends the
init-zero signal through out the golden control lanes of the
motherboard world and which inturn kills all the alive processes and
along with them all the bits that live in the motherboard world. Then
Mr. Speaker said that there won't be any more bits , in the golden
lanes of the motherboard world, and all devices will stop
functioning.. and everything would become silent.
And then all the devices would pray for the power-on switch of the
system to get pressed magically and to re-start life again in the
motherboard world.
It was then I suddenly realized the importance of me as the user who
used to reboot the system when ever my system got hang. I never ever
imagined that , a simple action like that would , create a magical
universe like the motherboard world , and make its bits and funny
characters like Mr.Speaker, Mr. CMOS Battery, The IDE brothers etc etc
alive.
I told Mr. Speaker that I would like to go to the place in the
motherboard world where The Processor, The Heat Sink, and The Fan
lived. Mr. Speaker warned me that The Processor itself is a complete
world in itself . But was much more complex and much much more
exciting. So He advised me to go back to my real world have some food
and then come again tomorrow and he would tell Miss Bit-Zero to take
me to the processor on her superphotonic electromagnetic wave. I was
feeling so hungry and tired and having some food didn't seem as a bad
idea. So reluctantly , I regained my original human shape and got out
of the motherboard world.
I shall write more about my adventures with the processor, hopefully
some other day, sometimes never. Till then Happy Surfing and come back
to my place often.
Bye
Love you all…..
aamzillaa at gmail dot com
guts to explore the internal anatomy and physiology of my PC. I don't
know what made me to embark on such an adventure at such an unexpected
moment. The night before I was busy reading a book on memory
management and I was looking forward to finish the 400 page book as
soon as possible. As mentioned in my previous post , i realized that
the to key solve the mystery of the untimely death of my system while
executing a C-program , was understanding problems in memory
management. But early in the morning , the look on the face of my PC
seemed tempting and irresistible and soon I forgot about everything
else and got a star screwdriver from my tool kit and started loosening
the side screws of her cabinet.I wonder whether no one recently had attempted to see the beautiful
treasures inside her cabinet. The side screws of the cabinet was
really hard. I nearly spoiled the tip of a less resilient screw driver
to loosen those bloody screws which were the only thing that stood
between me and the sexy sight I was expecting to see inside her
cabinet.
After struggling for 5-6 minutes the screws gave way . For the first
time in my life with the excitement of a kid , I marveled at the grand
beautiful sight that lay before my naked eyes !!!
It seemed as if , I was looking at the central nervous system of some
prehistoric beast. Wires of different colors from the SMPS was running
to each and every corner of universe that was inside my PC. Then there
was three huge data cables from my hard disk, Floppy disk and CD drive
, which like super highways I have seen in the future cities of
discovery channel transferred millions of bits every nanosecond to and
from the outside world and my mother board.
The mother board was the most breath taking sight that I had ever seen
in my life. There was more elegance in design and grandeur than any
city that I have seen before. Things seemed so futuristic. There where
huge sky-scrapper like heat sinks mounted on top of the processor
which was completely hidden beneath it. There were five pure white PCI
slots, which lay empty .. Three Black DIMM RAM slots. Only on one slot
I could find a RAM chip. In the middle of the mother board lay
another bright brown slot named the AGP slot, which waited for the day
to find salvation by being united with an AGP card and dreamt of
empowering high speed graphics applications.
Then in one modest corner lay the most important 20-pin P1 ATX
connector, which received power from the SMPS and dispatched it to
each and every inch of the motherboard like a disciplined ring master.
P1 connector seemed to believe in equal rights for every incoming
voltage. Irrespective of whether it was a (+/-)12 volt or (+/-) 5 volt
or +3.3 volt or even Ground (0 volt) all slots in the p1 connector
seemed alike. I wonder whether there would be variations in the
outgoing lines which carry these voltages to their respective
destinations. But the most colorful sight of all was the multitude of
wires entering the p1-connector from the motherboard. They where
indeed color coded. The grounds came in black wires, the plus 12 volts
in mellow yellows, minus 12 volts in brooding blues, the plus 5 volts
in royal red,
minus 5 volts in holy whites, 3.3 volts in bright oranges and so on.
There were some wires in green and grey which said they carried PS-ON
and PW-OK.. I never really understood what they said , but they
refused to convey more information about this. May be , one day some
reader of this article may enlighten me about the meaning of these
signals. Till then suspense prevails about the identity of those
curious signals.
The neighbors of the p1 connectors seemed a little snobbish and they
claimed that they where the people who helped in storing all those
millions of data zooming though the gold plated lanes in the
motherboard every nanosecond.
They were the IDE slots. The youngest, the smallest and the outer most
one was the floppy drive slot . The middle one was the hard disk drive
slot and the inner most one was the CD-drive slot. Each of these
brothers claimed that they could support 2 devices on their incoming
single data cable.
I asked how.. and they gave an evil grin but refused to say more. But
the I asked them to say how would they identify the pins in the
incoming data cable ? They told that pin 1 is always marked as red and
that they special arrangement of pins in their slots makes it
impossible for any idiot to insert cables into them in any other way
than the right way. Floppy disk drive slot had a small complaint, he
told me that while the data cables of his elder brothers where smooth
and without any deformities, he told that his cable dad a slight twist
in the end where it connected to the floppy drive. He told that this
small deformity was a constant source of embarrassment for him.
I really didn't somehow like spending more time with those snobbish
brothers and I moved on to explore other wonders in the motherboard
wonderland.
Then , to my utter horror I discovered that somehow I had shrunk in
size to the size of an electrolytic capacitor !!!!
It might have been some evil spell from the IDE brothers that had done
this to me. Anyways, there was no use wasting time brooding up on my
fate, the sights around me was so exciting that I didn't actually mind
my reduction in size. I decided to get used to my new life.
Long time ago in my previous avatar, I had heard that there was some
one called "CMOS battery" who safe guarded the key to any descent
self respecting home PC , the BIOS password. Well , I asked one young
blond sexy bit , who was flying past me at 2.999 x 10 ^ 8 m/s , on a
superphotonic
electromagnetic wave to tell me the way to
Mr. CMOS battery. She told me that she had no time to waste time
explaining the complex route map but would drop me at Mr. CMOS
battery's apartment.
I was the first time I was experiencing a ride at speeds closer to
speed of light. I found myself getting smaller in length but heavier
in weight. More over I found myself getting younger.
I asked the blond bit , how old she was.. She told me that as a
particle that had charge she had existed at every time since the
creation of this universe and since she usually
travels in supersonic speeds she never gets old. Before getting down I
asked for her mobile number, but she told they never used mobile
phones in motherboard world and if I want to meet her again I could
just think about her name, which was not surprisingly D-Zero.
I was at the door of Mr. CMOS BATTERY's apartment
by now and I was excited to learn some tricks from old Mr.CMOS so that
I could hack into any system I want.
Well, CMOS turned out to be a short oval disk like fellow sleeping in
a very comfortable bed with springs.
I guess, he didn't like me disturbing him from his sleep
and shouted some unprintable words at me when I tried to get him out
of his bed. I was warned by a neighbor named Mr. Speaker that if I Mr.
CMOS got out of his bed, he would be so furious and he would clear
all BIOS settings and default settings will be loaded. This was how
the BIOS password was compromised.
I really liked Mr. Speaker, I asked him what was his profession ? He
told me that he was the best singer in the motherboard world , and its
he who entertains and consoles
the system user with such cute little beeps , and sometimes with some
really tragic tunes when some hardware device in the mother board
world dies and if unknowingly user tries to boot up the system. Well,
at that moment I recollected some really pain full moments from my
past avatar when the RAM of my first System died, I just heard 3
short beeps when I tried to start the system. Then one day I had to
hear the tragic beep song again when my hard drive died of heart
attack and liver cirrhosis. Then finally I heard a long beep song in a
stormy ,rainy night, which heralded the premature demise of my
motherboard. My faithful system of 3 years was struck down by 10000V
spike which sneaked into my motherboard through the telephone line
when a lightning struck somewhere.
It was then I buried my old system under a pile of books and clothes
and other stuff in my room and decided to begin a new relationship
with a brand new sexy System with P4 dual core processor at 2.8 Ghz ,
512 MB RAM and 160 GB hard disk. Well, the new System was more
exciting but some how I liked my old system better. May be its just
nostalgia , may be its that at any unpredictable moment my processor
says it doesn't like working when its surface temperature is 68
degree celsius and starts a strike immediately without any notice,
and shuts down the entire system. Then may be , if I sacrifice all my
remaining self esteem and stoop down to the floor level to reboot the
system , the processor may or may not change mood !!!
It was then I asked Mr. Speaker about "The Processor" of his world. He
told me that Mr. Processor was the most decent and lovable person in
the motherboard world. He had himself never had an opportunity to meet
the processor. But he had learnt a lot of things from his bit-friends
about the processor. He told me that it was widely believed in the
motherboard world that it was Mr.Processor who controlled the
workings of everything that in the motherboard world. Most of the
bits believe that they where created by the processor in time
immemorial. They really didn't knew or understand how the processor
actually did it , but they all,not all but most of them, simply
believed that. But there were other bits who never believed in the
existence of a processor, since not a single bit had seen the
processor,they asked for proof for the existence of the processor from
other fellow bits, which unfortunately or fortunately was unavailable.
Actually all what citizens in the motherboard world had seen was a
huge Hit Sink which dissipated such hot heat waves through out the
motherboard skies. It was believed that the processor lived beneath
the Heat Sink.There was a fan on top of this Hit Sink , it was said
that the processor, heat sink, and fan worked as a single being and
without one there was no meaning or existence for the other. Processor
could not exist without heat sink and the fan and there was no meaning
for the fan and heat sink to exist , if there was no processor. But it
was widely believed among the citizens of the motherboard world
believed that the processor was more important than everything else.
Mr. Speaker told me that there used to be occasional wars among
different groups of bits who believed in slightly variant versions
about the processor and their origin about what theory was correct ,
though none had any definite proof for what ever they claimed to be
true. When things gets so chaotic, it is said that the OS , who is
believed to be another more powerful supernatural being without any
physical shape or form which no one can see or feel.. sends the
init-zero signal through out the golden control lanes of the
motherboard world and which inturn kills all the alive processes and
along with them all the bits that live in the motherboard world. Then
Mr. Speaker said that there won't be any more bits , in the golden
lanes of the motherboard world, and all devices will stop
functioning.. and everything would become silent.
And then all the devices would pray for the power-on switch of the
system to get pressed magically and to re-start life again in the
motherboard world.
It was then I suddenly realized the importance of me as the user who
used to reboot the system when ever my system got hang. I never ever
imagined that , a simple action like that would , create a magical
universe like the motherboard world , and make its bits and funny
characters like Mr.Speaker, Mr. CMOS Battery, The IDE brothers etc etc
alive.
I told Mr. Speaker that I would like to go to the place in the
motherboard world where The Processor, The Heat Sink, and The Fan
lived. Mr. Speaker warned me that The Processor itself is a complete
world in itself . But was much more complex and much much more
exciting. So He advised me to go back to my real world have some food
and then come again tomorrow and he would tell Miss Bit-Zero to take
me to the processor on her superphotonic electromagnetic wave. I was
feeling so hungry and tired and having some food didn't seem as a bad
idea. So reluctantly , I regained my original human shape and got out
of the motherboard world.
I shall write more about my adventures with the processor, hopefully
some other day, sometimes never. Till then Happy Surfing and come back
to my place often.
Bye
Love you all…..
aamzillaa at gmail dot com
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Struggles in returning a String
Strange are the ways of my system.. Just like the mind of my
"would-have-been-girl friend", its really hard to guess what is going
on in the mind of a Turbo C compiler. I still have not yet recovered
from what my compiler had done to me, a little while ago . I was just
trying to return a simple innocent string to the good old main
function… Well, I was straining my grey cells to their maximum extent
to figure out a simple way to build an application to cut files of any
format (specifically video) into smaller files…Who wouldn't like to
watch those exciting scenes only, instead of the entire movie :-) The cutting part was easy.. it was the naming of the output files
which engendered the whole pandemonium. I just thought it would be
cool if I could produce the names of the output files resembling the
names of the original file.
Suppose if the name of the file is abc.dat, I wanted the output files to be
abc_1.dat , abc_2.dat and so on.. so I needed to learn how to return a
string from a function to the calling main function.
Even making the new names from original input name was also a piece of
cake.. But till now , I have not found a way to return the output
filenames to the main function..
My idea was to assign the new output file name to a "character
pointer" and return it to the main..
But things didn't work out for good.. Initially the compiler was a
little bit tolerant of what I was doing. It just refused to print the
name of the required output file in the main function correctly.. It
was printing something similar to #$@%# , instead of the anticipated
abc_1.dat !!
I try to please my mighty compiler with many other little tricks I had
learnt about character pointers during the past few days. Like… I
tried to cast the pointer to "char" in the main first .. then I tried
casting in the function before returning it.. I tried everything I
could…
Nothing seemed to please the compiler instead the compiler behavior
began to become more nastier.. When the required line in main came, it
just produced some illegal operation and exited to windows XP. I was
working with an old Turbo C++ compiler.
The real shock came just before, I tried my last attempt just before
giving up and starting to type this lamentations.
This time , the compiler compiled nicely but the problem came as usual
while trying to run it…
Just when the required instruction to print the output string in main
came, there was a moment of silence.. I waited anxiously biting my
nails.. then there was a Mighty blink on the computer monitor and in
the next nano second I found my system dead… !!!!
The monitor was off.. the CPU was off… even the green LED on the
front panel of my cabinet was Off !!!
I wonder what blasphemy I wrote against the compiler gods to deserve
such terrible fate just for being curious enough to find a way to
return a string to a function.
For those of you who are C-gurus.. I would greatly appreciate if u
could try to find out what was it in my code that enraged the compiler
Gods so much .. Here comes the code I had tried to run…
Any comments/source code/advice/criticisms are welcome…
By the way, I forgot to mention.. The following code is free.. You can
copy it , modify it, sell it, or can use it in what ever way you want
… Please don't hit me if your system crashes just like it did on mine.
:)
Happy surfing and please do come back to this place as often as you
can to get more updates of my adventures with C-programming.
ps: I have a strong hunch that what I had to endure was a triple fault
seen in intel processors. A double fault occurs when an exception
occurs when the processor is already handling an exception. A triple
fault occurs when a double halt handler fails and the machine is
placed into SHUTDOWN mode.
#include
#include
#include
char * fun();
void main()
{
char *ptr;
ptr=(char *)fun(); // I suspect the problem is here ..
/* fun() should be returning a
pointer to
string */
clrscr();
printf("\n The string returned from fun() is %s ",ptr);
getch();
}
char * fun()
{
char string[10],*ptr1;
int i;
clrscr();
printf("\n Enter string : ");
scanf("%s",string);
ptr1=string;
printf(" \n The address of string in ptr1 is : %x",ptr1);
printf(" \n ptr1 is pointing to : %s", ptr1);
for(i=0;i
{
printf(" \n string[ %d ] is pointing to : %s",i, string+i);
getch();
}
return string;
}
"would-have-been-girl friend", its really hard to guess what is going
on in the mind of a Turbo C compiler. I still have not yet recovered
from what my compiler had done to me, a little while ago . I was just
trying to return a simple innocent string to the good old main
function… Well, I was straining my grey cells to their maximum extent
to figure out a simple way to build an application to cut files of any
format (specifically video) into smaller files…Who wouldn't like to
watch those exciting scenes only, instead of the entire movie :-) The cutting part was easy.. it was the naming of the output files
which engendered the whole pandemonium. I just thought it would be
cool if I could produce the names of the output files resembling the
names of the original file.
Suppose if the name of the file is abc.dat, I wanted the output files to be
abc_1.dat , abc_2.dat and so on.. so I needed to learn how to return a
string from a function to the calling main function.
Even making the new names from original input name was also a piece of
cake.. But till now , I have not found a way to return the output
filenames to the main function..
My idea was to assign the new output file name to a "character
pointer" and return it to the main..
But things didn't work out for good.. Initially the compiler was a
little bit tolerant of what I was doing. It just refused to print the
name of the required output file in the main function correctly.. It
was printing something similar to #$@%# , instead of the anticipated
abc_1.dat !!
I try to please my mighty compiler with many other little tricks I had
learnt about character pointers during the past few days. Like… I
tried to cast the pointer to "char" in the main first .. then I tried
casting in the function before returning it.. I tried everything I
could…
Nothing seemed to please the compiler instead the compiler behavior
began to become more nastier.. When the required line in main came, it
just produced some illegal operation and exited to windows XP. I was
working with an old Turbo C++ compiler.
The real shock came just before, I tried my last attempt just before
giving up and starting to type this lamentations.
This time , the compiler compiled nicely but the problem came as usual
while trying to run it…
Just when the required instruction to print the output string in main
came, there was a moment of silence.. I waited anxiously biting my
nails.. then there was a Mighty blink on the computer monitor and in
the next nano second I found my system dead… !!!!
The monitor was off.. the CPU was off… even the green LED on the
front panel of my cabinet was Off !!!
I wonder what blasphemy I wrote against the compiler gods to deserve
such terrible fate just for being curious enough to find a way to
return a string to a function.
For those of you who are C-gurus.. I would greatly appreciate if u
could try to find out what was it in my code that enraged the compiler
Gods so much .. Here comes the code I had tried to run…
Any comments/source code/advice/criticisms are welcome…
By the way, I forgot to mention.. The following code is free.. You can
copy it , modify it, sell it, or can use it in what ever way you want
… Please don't hit me if your system crashes just like it did on mine.
:)
Happy surfing and please do come back to this place as often as you
can to get more updates of my adventures with C-programming.
ps: I have a strong hunch that what I had to endure was a triple fault
seen in intel processors. A double fault occurs when an exception
occurs when the processor is already handling an exception. A triple
fault occurs when a double halt handler fails and the machine is
placed into SHUTDOWN mode.
#include
#include
#include
char * fun();
void main()
{
char *ptr;
ptr=(char *)fun(); // I suspect the problem is here ..
/* fun() should be returning a
pointer to
string */
clrscr();
printf("\n The string returned from fun() is %s ",ptr);
getch();
}
char * fun()
{
char string[10],*ptr1;
int i;
clrscr();
printf("\n Enter string : ");
scanf("%s",string);
ptr1=string;
printf(" \n The address of string in ptr1 is : %x",ptr1);
printf(" \n ptr1 is pointing to : %s", ptr1);
for(i=0;i
{
printf(" \n string[ %d ] is pointing to : %s",i, string+i);
getch();
}
return string;
}
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Why is it that I feel it so difficult to write something to my blog ??? Is it fear that , once I open up here there will be no looking back... or is it the apprehension that any one alive shall be able to see what i am thinking... Is there any point in writing something just to let the world know that a person like me exists on the face of this earth... Or should I write because I want other people to think about me when I'm gone... About what interests of mine shall i describe here...I have so many indeed.... Will it ever make any difference in my life whether i write or not... but writing about me... just to share the random thoughts and momentary passions of my life is something that i love very much... Nevertheless , i hope some one might find this blog interesting.. Moreover.. this is a medium in which i get an oppurtunity to raise my voice in public for the very first time in my life.. So under the cloak of anonymity.. my dear friends and fellow humans I shall bare my heart before you... don't try to find who i am...name doesn't matter much.. Judge me as you please.. but please let me have my freedom to be myself.... please let me live in this blogosphere....
I know this is no right way to start a blog... but its better to begin than just wait eternally.... because... u just live once and never shall you know how long you shall remain here... So while you are alive, its best to be alive !!!
I know this is no right way to start a blog... but its better to begin than just wait eternally.... because... u just live once and never shall you know how long you shall remain here... So while you are alive, its best to be alive !!!
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